You can go to Domino’s and get a predictable pizza for about 100Q, or go to Papa Zito’s or El Pescador Italiano and get a nice pizza for about 150Q, or you can stay home and cook a killer thin crust pizza with your favorite toppings for about 30Q each.  This recipe has been updated and improved over the original after substantial quality-control experiments. Here’s how it’s done:

Don Marco’s Special Thin Crust Pizza Recipe (makes 4 pizzas)

1.  In a bowl, have a kid combine 4.5 cups of flour, 1 3/4 TP salt and 1 TP yeast.

2.  Add 1/4 cup olive oil and 1 3/4 cup room temperature water.

3.  Instruct the kid to mix thoroughly and then knead.  (This is a great activity for a teenager with aggression).

4.  Enjoy a glass of red wine.

5.  Tell teenager to continue kneading.

6.  Begin to assemble ingredients for Don Marco’s Kick A$$ Pizza Sauce

Don Marco’s Kick A$$ Pizza Sauce

1.  Find an obsessive kid and tell him to add 6 oz of tomato paste (or for an adult version, use leftover Don Marco’s Special Salsa), to 6 oz of water.  Mix.

2.  Add 1 TBP minced garlic.

3.  Add 2 TBP honey

4.  Add 3/4 TP onion powder

5.  Add 1/4 TP oregano, marjoram, basil and black pepper.

6.  Add 1/8 TP cayenne pepper

7.  Add 3 TBP grated parmesean cheese

8.  Add some salt.

Tell the obsessive kid to stir the mixture slowly but consistently.  At this point, you’re going to need to take a break from watching the kids work and have another glass of wine.

When you return, the teenager should be done pounding kneading the dough.  Have him cut the dough into four equally-sized portions and then begin to spread the dough into pizza shapes on a pizza sheet you’ve greased with olive oil.

The kid with the pizza sauce should be tired by now, so tell him to start grating 1/2 lb cheddar cheese.  I prefer a mixture of mozzarella, sharp cheddar and Parmesan.  Usually the ratio is 1 to 1/2 to 1/4. Mix thoroughly.

The dough should be ready on the pan now, add approximately 3 TBP of sauce to each pizza dough, then sprinkle cheese liberally.  Suggested toppings include pepperoni, salchichas, onions, peppers, mushrooms, jalapenos, sliced tomatoes and basil, or whatever you have on hand.  Poached chicken with alfredo sauce, chopped tomatoes and onions can also be good.

You should have already figured out that the oven should be pre-heated to 375F, or if you have a Guatemalan oven just set it to ‘4′.  The rack should be on the lowest level-so put your pizza in for 15 minutes or tell a kid to start counting.

Go drink another glass of wine.

When the timer goes off, or when the kid has counted to 900-take the pizza out of the oven and put the second one in.  Enjoy with a glass of wine and raise your glass in honor of “Don Marco, Virile, Vigorous and Potent Conquistador, Exploiter and Pizza Chef”.