Expat Resolutions

ExpatMom has some resolutions for the coming year:

This week, I’m making some very difficult choices . . . ones that are not going to make other people happy.Over the past couple of months, I’ve gradually been weeding out things that suck the life out of me. I’ve left off communication with someone who delights in pushing people’s buttons and trying to create controversy because I don’t have the time or energy for that in my life. That was a huge step for me. And it opened up a door to an area of me that I don’t usually like to look at.

I tend to try and make people happy. I’ve done many things in my life because others would have been disappointed in me if I hadn’t. And never has that ended well. The times that I’ve followed my gut and done what I felt was best, those are the times when I have found contentment, happiness and success. Even when it wasn’t what everyone else thought I should do.

This year, my focus is on being happy. Most people don’t know that I suffered from years of depression and even tried to end my life. It took me a very long time to realize that I was the one responsible for my own happiness, not those around me. I couldn’t blame my circumstances, so I chose to change my circumstances . . . I left my home country. I almost never tell people my real reason in leaving Canada . . . I had all but given up on ever being even remotely not unhappy and I decided to give myself five years to see if there really was a reason to live. I headed out with the intention of either finding a good reason to stay alive or not staying alive. Fortunately, I met Irving, had my boys and while that black cloud has crept back once in a while, I have many reasons to stay alive now and I have been able to fight it off with the help of a very understanding husband and the love of my sons. But there are times when I still don’t seek out happiness, due to not wanting to offend others. That’s changing in the coming year. It’s not a new year’s resolution, it’s something that I have worked on for a while now and will be an ongoing change.

Certain things need to be purged from my life. This week, I’m going to be telling some people things they don’t want to hear. I’m going to disappoint some people, possibly make them angry, but in the long run, I know that it’s for the best. I want to spend more time with my children this coming year, focus on my own projects instead of limiting my income to a full time job, and eliminate things and projects that are going to trip me up along the way. And simply making that decision has already made me feel lighter and happier.

More than one friend of mine says he loves living here because he can “just be myself instead of conforming to what people think I should be.”  It was an interesting observation, although I noted to him that like myself, he doesn’t get invitations to the ‘right’ parties.  My contrarian attitude towards the mainstream delights in this kind of blacklisting, but I realize it’s not for most.

Anyway, hopefully ExpatMom will report back on the progress.