I had some urgent business in Mexico recently and thought some of my experiences might be illuminating for other travelers.  I didn’t want to drive myself, enjoying instead the comfort of the first class bus system in Central America.  Not only are these buses not Chicken Buses, they’re closer to first class airline seating.

Unfortunately, there are no bus stations in Antigua, so you have to get to the capital to catch one of the buses.  Tica Bus is the only one with a functioning website, but TransGalgos is a great option as well (you can buy a ticket through most travel agencies in Antigua).  I rode TicaBus from the capital to Tapachula at a cost of about $20.  The buses have TV, cold AC and a bathroom.  It’s a comfortable ride and I use it to catch up on iPod listening and book reading.

It takes about six hours to get to the border.  Once there you need to exit the bus and get your exit stamp from Guatemalan migracion.  Migracion officials use a computer network that is tied into a central database in the capital so they know quickly whether you have overstayed your visa.  The computer system also populates all the fields so there is no paperwork to complete.  If everything is good, you’ll get your exit stamp and you’re on your way.  If you’re late it’s 10Q per person per day.  I’ve never been asked for a bribe by Guatemalan migracion officials.

Once you’re done at Guate migracion, you walk north across the bridge.  The tour buses pull forward beforehand and unload all the luggage, so you can carry it through Mexican migration.  I have found the Mexican officials to be generally less hospitable than the Guatemalan side.  However, if you explain that you are only visiting Tapachula and not going further into the country and that you are only staying for three days, then you can avoid the normal hassle and ‘fees’ that average about $20 per person to enter.  In my case a simple, “Papa buenas tardes, estoy visitando a Tapachula para tres días y luego vuelvo a la tierra de los chapines” and he stamped a random page without even looking to see if it was my passport and then started hassling some Salvadorean behind me.

Then the fun begins.  Your tour bus operator will greet you outside migracion and instruct you to drag your bags through migracion.  I was stopped immediately, although I noticed all of the darker skin folk were waved through.  The grumpy senora made a cursory check of my checked bag and then waved me on.

A few meters further down the corridor another grumpy senora stopped me and instructed me to push a button on a traffic light looking device, whereupon the light flashed red, the word ‘random’ began to blink and a buzzer went off in a back office.  Two additional grumpy migracion officials exited and escorted me to a table which, while still outside, was not entirely in view of any other passengers.

Was it my stash of cigars de Havana that set off the alarms?  The book I had just checked out of the American Legion library in Antigua “Guns, Germs & Steel”?  Had the stewardess on the bus related my disappointment to the migracion officials that they served only coffee and soda and not tequila on the bus ride north?

Whatever it was I watched while they rifled through my checked bag while dozens more locals streamed past unmolested.  Apparently the randomness of the searches is limited to those exceeding 200lbs and/or 6 feet in height.  Finding nothing too objectionable (I did invite the senora to join me in Tapachula to give me a masaje, which she didn’t find amusing but the two hombres did), they waved me on, and I returned to the glorious air conditioned environment of the bus, finding the driver much relieved that he had not lost a passenger in migracion.

Thirty minutes later we were in Tapachula, where the senoritas were much more pleasant.  I asked the girls behind the counter how much a taxi should cost me to Loma Real, and when they responded “250 pesos” I asked, “Esta el gringo precio or normal?”, whereupon they both giggled and insisted it was the normal price.

250 pesos later I found myself at the Loma Real front desk where another senorita giggled constantly at my Spanish and booked me into a 1000 peso a night room which she assured me was perfect.  The pool looked inviting, the exercise room was functional if spartan, and the restaurant had a great menu.   More on Loma Real tomorrow, but a few observations on Day 1 in Mexico:

• Tapachula is hot.  It’s Escuintla x 150%
• Mexican Spanish is different from Guatemalan Spanish.  Simple sentences were difficult to understand or be understood.
• I heard more honking on the way from the bus station to Loma Real than I have heard in Guate in 16 months.  Mexicans are in a hurry and watch the green light like hawks (the red light not so much).
• Most things appeared to be cheaper in Tapachula than in Guate, from the price of food to the taxi and the alcohol.
• I didn’t see ANY dogs

Day 2 tomorrow.