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Archive for Real Estate

Santiago and I were looking at an office a few days ago and commented to the owner that the large pile of rubble and trash in the front courtyard was really unsightly and that the house would show better if he were to clean things up.  He nodded like he understood, and disappeared out the front door while we were wandering out the house, trying to envision how things would work if we took the place.

I was standing in one of the back rooms, stepping off the dimensions to see if it would accommodate an executive desk and sitting area worthy of someone known as a ‘Don’, when the most acrid smell overwhelmed me.  Not having had any emergency digestive problems since my trip to Monterrico and the huge bowl of ceviche I ate, I thought something must be on fire.  As I walked towards the front of the house, the smoke and toxicity got much worse, and I could hear Santiago screaming obscenities.

There in front of the house the owner had directed some lurker to pile all the leftover construction stuff, all the trash and anything else lying around and had started a fire, which was really going.  The smoke coming off it was multi-colored and the fumes were sickening.  Even Santiago with his four pack a day lungs seemed to be effected by the mess and was yelling at the guy that the fire was “toxic” and that this was “ridiculous”.

As I was fashioning my handkerchiefs(thoughtfully brought by a mule last December and normally reserved for little boy noses or female tears), around my face, the guy stoking the fire responded to Santiago in the most amusing fashion, “Si, es muy toxico” and continued to throw more plastic trash and buckets half-full of unknown chemicals. Santiago looked at me as if to make sure I was seeing the same thing he was.

I had a little flashback to the guys working in the finca next door who were burning huge piles of rubbish at the base of my back wall, doing everything they could to stay upwind without thinking anything of the smoke filling my house, and ignoring my pleas to cease “por que es muy malo para mi ninos”.

I realized immediately that so many of the uneducated people here are basically like children, intuitive enough to realize the danger and threat to their health, but not aware enough to consider that their actions can be detrimental to others.

Santiago had now stopped making observations and began giving orders:

Santiago:  Put this fire out, immediately!

Hombre:  El dueño me dijo que me queme toda la basura.

Santiago:  I’m telling you to put it out, muy rapido!

Hombre:  Está bien, pero yo no tengo una manguera …

Santiago:  Take one of these buckets and fill it up with water!

Hombre:  Muy bien, ¿sabes dónde está el agua?

Santiago:  Probably in the pila.

Hombre:  Bueno, eso es una buena idea.

Needless to say we didn’t rent the space.

Me:  Hello?

Unidentified Female:  Si es usted el gringo que estaba buscando en mi casa?

Me:  Uh…I don’t know, but don’t you think that’s kind of rude?

Unidentified Female:  Lo sentimos, pero es usted el que estaba buscando en mi casa?

Me:  I’ve been looking at a lot of houses.

Unidentified Female:  Vino con otro gringo y un licensiado…

Me:  Yeah, we’re looking for office space together, and the commisionista is showing us offices.  Are you the lady with the house painted all blue on the inside, with the tin roof, rotting ceilings and ugly floors?

Unidentified Female: Sí, tengo la casa que fue una escuela antes de que. Vas a alquilarlo?

Me:  I’ll talk to the commisonista about that.

Unidentified Female: No, quiero saber.

Me: I’m sorry, I don’t do business that way.

Unidentified Female: Usted tiene mal carácter…

Me:  You know, I think I’ve decided…

Unidentified Female: Vas a alquilarlo?

Me:  No, gracias.  Feliz dia.

Carrying a firearm in cold weather requires some preparation; in addition to safety, failing to access your weapon quickly can be the difference between a successful hunting trip and returning empty handed, or a successful defense against an assailant and serious injury. With a few additional steps, it is possible to carry and use a firearm while remaining warm.

When your hands get cold, they get numb, reducing your sensory feedback, and if you put gloves on, you also lose a sense of feel, which can leave you clumsy or ineffective when handling your firearm. Nothing is more important than being able to access and use your weapon quickly, whether you’re in a self-defense situation or hunting, so let’s discuss a few solutions learned from years of carrying firearms in cold weather.

Let’s discuss solutions allowing comfort and the ability to get that shot off quickly.

  • I have used the old woodsman’s trick; cutting a thin slit lengthwise in my glove for my trigger finger to sneak through. One drawback you should be aware of; grabbing a snowy branch, or braking a fall may give you a glove full of snow or ice, which I can promise is not fun.
  • It’s not pretty, but using skateboard tape on your weapons will give you a non-slip, durable surface. Even with thick gloves on you’ll find the firearm easy to hold on to.
  • If you have several firearms, you should consider designating one of them as your ‘cold weather’ weapon, and modify the trigger pull to be much heavier. This will compensate for the lack of feel you’ll experience when wearing gloves.
  • Currently I wear thin poly “wicker” gloves under warm mittens allowing me to slide/fling the mittens as needed still providing some hand protection. Make sure the mitten, or outer layer of glove, can be easily ‘flung’ off your hand.
  • Another method is Nomex flying gloves inside of a shooting mitten (mitten with a velcroed opening in the palm) allowing you to free your fingers when required.

There are other challenge when carrying a weapon in cold weather beyond simply keeping your hands warm and maintaining a sure grip. If you fall and get snow or ice in the muzzle, your accuracy will be severely degrade and your weapon could even malfunction. A few old tricks to keeping the barrel clean include:

1. Placing a little masking tape over the end of the barrell

2. a condom with a rubber band

3. A band aid placed over the muzzle

When hunting with handguns carry your gun under your coat, protecting it from the elements. Cross draw holsters work well with long coats, allowing quick access. If you prefer shoulder holsters, fasten your outer coat to just below the pectoral muscles. The upper portion will stay open allowing you immediate access to your weapon. Keeping your weapon inside an outer coat like this will protect the firearm in the event you take a tumble, which happens if you’re wandering around in snow and ice.

You can modify your coat with pass-through slits providing instant access to your gun. In really bad weather I prefer carrying “beaters” – true rough duty guns, not “safe queen” guns –allowing me to worry more about the deer in the thicket or the gang-banger lingering in the dark corner rather than my gun rusting.

Lubricants will thicken in extremely cold temperatures, which could lead to a misfire, and believe me, if you’ve pulled the gun and attempted to fire, the worst that can happen is not get the shot off. To prevent this you can use graphite, thin watch oil, or a synthetic lubricant as these do not freeze or attract dust. I prefer the synthetic lubricants myself.

If you are carrying additional magazines, keep these inside your pockets to prevent misfires; magazines kept on the outside of your clothing will naturally attract more debris.

Once you have decided which methods you will use in cold weather, practice! Don’t just go to the gun range when it’s sunny and warm, go when it’s cold and nasty. See which clothes work for you and how your setup works. I suggest you try with empty firearms first, and after you’ve gotten your holstering and ‘draw’ perfected in your cold weather gear, then add your ammo.

Finally, add your gloves to the process and see how things work (or don’t work, as it might be). If the gloves are a problem, get rid of them! Gloves are cheap compared to your firearm-or your life-so go shopping for two layers that will work for you, the thin, inner layer that you can use in mild weather, and the thicker, outer layer of gloves that you can discard quickly when the time arrives.

It was a gorgeous day last Saturday, in the mid 70s, sunny and with a light breeze.  I was dealing with some car repair issues and called home to check on things.

I found it hard to believe the house was really on fire given the house is made from concrete and tile, and when the Wife got on the phone she explained that the finca next door was burning stuff and the house was covered in smoke.

I thought she might be exaggerating, but on my way home I could see the cloud of smoke enveloping the neighborhood from more than a mile away.  Naturally all of the windows in the house had been open to take advantage of the perfect weather, which meant now the entire house was filled with smoke.  I arrived home to find children coughing, crying, everyone with articles of clothes tied around their faces, and the smoke just hanging in the air.

My original thought was that it would have been better to leave all of the windows open, hoping the wind would carry it through, but the density of the smoke was such that it was unbearable, so they had closed all of the windows.  This kept most of the smoke out but also meant that all of the smoke that had stayed in was trapped.

I climbed on to the roof to evaluate, and sure enough, workers on the finca which adjoins our property were burning huge piles of the leftovers from their recent harvest.  One fire was literally at the base of our wall, another was about 10 meters away, and the third closest was only 20 meters away, and the wind was carrying the smoke right across our back wall, into our patio and into the house.

I yelled at the workers to move their fires away from the house, explaining that it was not safe and that my family was getting sick of the fire.  I observed that they all were standing up wind of their fires and hand their faces covered with cloth.  They talked amongst themselves for a moment and then resumed.  I thought about telling them I would call the police, but realized they would see right through that and know I didn’t have a clue how things work here.

The roof afforded the cleanest air for hundreds of yards so I contemplated my options.  What I really wanted to do was hook the hose up and drag it to the roof and spray the fires from the roof.  After calculating the distance, I realized my hoses aren’t long enough to reach up to the roof and be of use on any but maybe the closest fire.

My next thought was to arm myself and the teenager with machetes and approach the fires with buckets of water and rakes and hoes, to dampen and then spread them.  I thought for sure my action would send the workers running, and that whoever they brought back might listen to reason.

The longer I remained on the the more bizarre the ideas got, evidence of the effect the smoke was having on my thinking process.  My final strategy was to buy boombas across the street and shoot them from the roof down onto the workers, hoping they would scatter.

In the end, I abandoned my plans to adapt to a GuateApproach to the problem and instead chose the passive, gringo approach, opened every window in the house and put the family in the van and left for the day.  When we returned 8 hours later, the fires were out, the skies were clear again and the house was mostly smoke-free.  Of course, all the clothes, beds, linens and furniture smelled like smoke, and we still had red eyes, coughing and sore throats.

As readers know, I’ve got a collection of real estate stories, but one lesson I never thought of before now was to make sure you don’t rent or buy next to a finca, or you’ll be dealing with these occasional, unannounced fires and smoke that will ruin your day, threaten your house, and cause all your friends to think you’ve suddenly taken up an extraordinary smoking habit.

Business is booming in Antigua (at least for me), and with all the projects I’m involved in I decided it was time to move out of the bedroom office and into a real office space where I could meet people and have a functioning staff.  Another local businessman and I have been looking around at office space in Antigua proper and we found a perfect office for our needs, a four bedroom condo type home on one of the main streets of Antigua with a perfect entryway area to function as a reception area, a small kitchen and patio.

The real estate agent showing us the property had told us the owner was asking $1000 but that the house could be rented for $750 on a two year contract.  So, we offered $750 for three years, seeing in the longer-term contract greater value for the owner, given the current economic conditions.  (I know, very naive of me).

The owner wasn’t impressed, and countered with saying her rent was actually $1000 a month, plus IVA, some sort of tax which adds up to 12% and which every agent tells me is never paid or collected.

So we increased our offer to $850 a month for three years, and explained to the owner that she was unlikely to rent this particular house to a family due to the traffic noise on the street, the lack of parking, the lack of hot water in the building, and that the distance from the park made it not as desirable as some other currently vacant properties on the market.  We also pointed out that the house would need some clean-up and painting, and that we would take care of those.

After initially claiming that she’d be better off just selling it (good luck), she agreed to $900 per month for two years and 11 months.  Apparently she wanted to avoid a three year contract.  We told our agent we could agree to the terms and to put things in motion.

Well, I wish I could say I was shocked by what happened next, but that would be an overstatement.  I was only mildly surprised when the agent reported back that the owner’s new offer was $1000 plus the 12% tax.

Let’s set aside the rather questionable negotiating strategy of dropping the price and then raising it or the threat to just sell the house instead of renting it; this is a dirty house on a loud street in Antigua without hot water that has a setup that would only work for a small number of commercial clients, and in the middle of a 30% drop in tourism and 40% drop in remittances and with vacant properties all over town that have been vacant since I moved here.  Despite all this, the owner has decide to increase her asking price after someone shows interest.

So, let me share with you how I will handle this situation.  I will now go to another real estate agent and have them indicate interest in the property in about a week’s time.  My offer will be $550 a month for one year.  This offer will be insulting to the owner and will call to mind the very reasonable offer she had from the other interested party.  It will also be a signal to the listing agent that the property can be rented, but not at the current offering price.

I’ll keep you posted.

El Blogador hasn’t been blogging as often recently, perhaps because he’s spending time in Tapachula instead of London or Antigua:

But a couple of days ago I went to buy a medium-sized cup of iced coffee in the shop within this nicely rennovated bandstand in Tapachula, and was asked to pay 27 pesos for it ($2). It would have cost roughly the same in London, capital of soi disant ‘Rip-off Britain’. But this was Chiapas, which in many other respects still seems to offer the most sensible prices in Central America.

Still, I’ve kind of grown used to rip-off prices in Guatemala, even if I don’t quite understand them. A cup of capuccino or a pizza from Domino’s costs approximately 20% less than it would in London, but I can’t think of any overheads affecting the restauranteur which could mount up to anything like 80% of their UK equivalents.

The killer in London is the cost of renting a retail unit suitable for a coffee shop. Any building in the centre which doesn’t cut it as a locus for shopping can relatively easily be switched to alternative, more rentable uses such as office space or car parking. The owner of the building will generally go for the most profitable usage. Wages are also considerably higher in the UK, with the national minimum set at roughly $9 an hour.

So why is a lot of restaurant food (especially the faster sort) so expensive in Antigua? Can’t be the ingredients (mostly local), the property rent or the labour costs. Maybe red tape is a major overhead here, but then Guatemalan businesses aren’t paying anything like the same sort of corporation tax.

And bear in mind that the average middle class consumer is also earning a lot less (though arguably also paying less to the banks and the government), and so if the pizza seems pricey to me…

Maybe it’s because there’s scarcity, but on the demand side: the number of people able to pay X for a Domino’s pizza in Antigua is as small as the number of affluent tourists in Tapachula and so the price of X has to go up to cover reduced volume. Hmmm, maybe I am economically naive after all.

El Blogador is in Chiapas and is wondering why his iced coffee costs so much when other goods are relatively inexpensive.  Note that he is buying an iced coffee (and we can assume it’s good coffee), not tortillas and beans, and that he’s buying it from a nicely renovated shop.  This hints give us a preliminary understanding of why the coffee is relatively expensive, at least to other goods in Tapachula.

The drink he ordered is not a common one in Tapachula.  Locals don’t drink a lot of iced coffee.  They do eat a lot of tortillas and beans and don’t care how well renovated the eatery is.  They certainly wouldn’t willingly pay more just to eat at a nice eastablishment.  So in the cost ingredient of the coffee we have built in both an exotic product (if not because the coffee itself is exotic because of the relative scarcity of the availability in the aforementioned form), and also a nicer establishment from which to buy the product.  Both of these issues contribute to higher overhead, driving the price higher.  The exotic product requires a greater investment in bringing it to the market and there is a greater risk that it will go unsold.  When you are a bean merchant in Mexico or Guatemala, there’s not much risk of demand evaporating; in Tapachula they have many reasons to worry that foreigners might stop showing up, or at least in as great numbers (Swine Flu, regional violence, economic crisis, etc).

Next El Blogador considers Antigua prices and the overhead, surmising that although prices in Antigua are generally lower than London, the latter’s prices can be somewhat justified when considering overhead.  As we discussed before, overhead is a factor, and although Antigua commercial rents are quite high (you can rent a place in Phoenix at a lower price per square foot), this alone doesn’t justify the price.  (You’ll have to wait for my dissertation on Antigua real estate prices).

Just as in Tapachula the product offering was an exotic one, this also is the case in Antigua.  Whether it is Dominos or a cappuccino, the product is essentially an import.  Yes, I know they make coffee here but the coffee the locals drink and the coffee I get in my cappuccino is not the same, and I’ve seen coffee bags around town that have been imported from the US.  It wouldn’t surprise me to discover the coffee was grown here, shipped to the US, packaged and shipped back.  Even if it remains here and is manufactured and marketed for local consumption, the buyer of that coffee is not the common man, but a wealthy local, extranjero or tourist.  More goes into the packaging, marketing and sales of the product than the actual ingredients.  Don’t fall into the temptation of thinking this isn’t ‘fair’; most products are this way (and life isn’t fair, just ask my teenager).

This means that the market for the product is greatly reduced.  Normally a smaller market means lower prices, because small markets often have corresponding small demands (in the aggregate), but occasionally this is not true.  There is a small market for a Ferrari, but the price remains high because it is an exotic product and the small market has the ability to pay for it.  Ferrari wouldn’t make money selling at half the price, and probably wouldn’t want to sell a product half as valuable, and so at a greatly reduced price the Ferrari would not be available.  It is the same with pizza and lattes in Antigua.  The demand, in the aggregate, is small, but within the market it is quite high.  I suspect prices for coffee and Dominos pizza could go up by 30% and there would be very little change in volume, because the demand-though limited-is intense, and further, the demand is for good coffee.

This deserves an additional consideration.  How are prices determined?  El Blogador considers overhead, and market forces, but neglects to mention the primary motive for setting prices:  profit.  The merchant must cover all of his costs, he must cover the cost of his own time, he must put a value on the risk his capital is taking, and finally he must set prices to provide a profit.

If the price of the product does not cover all these things, then the business will fail.  You see this daily around town as businesses are closing up because at a given volume they could not adequately meet all those objectives.  Where there is not profit, there will not be a lasting, profitable business.  (In this country many will survive but will not be profitable).  In Venezuela we have recently seen why socialism always fails, why it must fail, because prices are subsidized to promote a political ideology instead of allowing to work, which brought about scarcity and eventually a currency devaluation.  That too will have to wait for another time.

Another factor is the government.  El Blogador and other promoters of substantial government involvement in society (also known as Marxists), point to the benefits of governmental involvement and would cite regulations that benefit the consumer, strong infrastructure, etc.  Naturally there are costs that come along with that, first and foremost a high tax rate, secondly the drain on economic growth that comes with government taxation and regulation, and finally the infringement of personal and economic freedoms.  Most importantly when the government consumes money it returns to the economy less than it takes in, whereas private businesses return more through the creation of value, through innovation, etc.

In Guatemala the government is so dysfunctional you have both the presence of taxes and regulation, though they are widely subverted, and you have the lack of the societal benefits or infrastructure that is normally the product of government’s involvement.  For all my complaints about governements in general, the streets in the US are generally well constructed, well maintained, and traffic lights work, etc.  But here in Guate the streets are a mess, there is inadequate parking, buildings are crumbling, and genrally infrastructure is insufficient.  In addition you have the violence, a poorly trained work force, and high rates of crime.

The whole point of this is that there are substantially greater risks to the entrepreneur and his capital here than elsewhere.  If you invest in London or NYC, you do so without a great deal of fear about certain risks to your capital, whereas here you must protect your capital like a pioneer might who was headed west in 19th century America. Those risks keep a lot of businesses out of the market, which reduces the supply of products and services.  This forces prices higher.  (It also means the opportunity for those of us who are here is greater).

As with all prices, the market determines them.  In this case El Blogador’s willingness to ‘overpay’ for that iced coffee is itself a testament to why the price is so high, just as I am willing to pay 16Q for a cappucino at the park or 100Q for a Cohiba or 150Q for a good pizza (not Dominos).  There is a concentration of people like El Blogador and Don Marco in this town, which is why the prices are so high (for everything from real estate to cheese).

So in conclusion, prices in Antigua tend to be high, relative to the economy and the region.  They are high because the goods in question are unique/exclusive, because there are relatively few of them and because the risks to the merchant and his capital are great, and because the demand, while small, is intense.  The next time you find yourself wondering at prices in Antigua (or Atitlan), apply this approach and you’ll find the answer.

I’ve been here 10 months but I’m still having these mind-boggling experiences, particularly when it comes to real estate.  Here’s the latest saga:

The Wife found a house on one of the local agencies’ sites many months ago.  She was checking again recently and noticed that the house was still listed.  Now, she made the mistake of concluding that the house was therefore still available, while yours truly knows better.  (A full explanation of that will have to wait for another post.)

Anyway, she had been pestering me about this house and I had been pestering the agent by email to no avail.  I even tracked down the owner of the agency and told him I would love to rent a house through him if only his agents would call me back.  He dutifully expressed shock and surprise that I would have difficulty reaching one of his agents and promised that I would get a call within the hour and could see the house that afternoon, if I wished.  Six weeks passed and an agent calls and tells me he can show me the house, “whenever you would like to see it”.

We look at the house and it’s a nice place, well-furnished, big yard, generally a pretty good fit for us.  There were a few odd things, e.g., there was no laundry room.  There weren’t even hookups for a washer and dryer.  The other thing is that there is a full-time on-site caretaker who lives with her three children in a tiny shack on the property, directly adjoining the main structure.  I knew this before the agent told me because I was checking out the bathroom and could hear, through the wall, the caretaker scolding her children.

Eventually the agent introduces me to the woman and informs me that she ‘comes with the house’.  By this he

Big yard & a Gringo-sized cabana

Big yard & a Gringo-sized cabana

meant not that her fee is included, but that if I rent the house I get to employ her as well.  It turns out her fee is only 200Q a month, although I never did figure out precisely what she does.  (It would be a mistake to assume that she does anything simply because she’s a ‘caretaker’).  As with anything else, the conversation grows more complex and it turns out her husband, who lives and works in the capital Monday through Friday, is also the gardener of the house on the weekends, and his salary is 1000Q a month.

I knew the wife wouldn’t be crazy about the prospects of having another family sharing the lot, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be committed to 1200Q a month with people that I had no experience with and wouldn’t be permitted to fire if, hard as it may be to believe, they turned out to be worthless.

However, the agent was very optimistic, saying the house had been vacant a long time and they wanted to rent it.  He even suggested the owner should build a facility for the washer and dryer since almost anyone renting the house would want it (why wealthy Guatemalans would build a nice big house and furnish it with great stuff and not have a washer and dryer is beyond me).  I liked the guy’s initiative and had high hopes for how these negotiations would proceed.

The asking price was $1000, and as I mentioned-don’t forget this dear readers-the house was fully furnished.  I told the agent to feel the owners out about the rent price on a long-term lease and building a laundry room of sorts.  He agreed to call me as soon as he spoke to the owner.

A big open patio too!

A big open patio too!

A week had passed and I had not heard from the agent so I emailed him.  A week later I emailed again and then called.  I continued this process for a month, until I finally reached the agent.  As is the modus operandi here, there was no apology for not calling back or not responding to my emails.  He simply stated, “Well, there was a problem with the owner”.

I’m a veteran at this now so I wasn’t surprised, in fact, I wondered what delicious tidbits there might be to share with blog readers.  He continued, “It turns out the woman we were dealing with is not the owner, she’s actually the sister of the owner.”  Okay so far, I mean, that’s not exactly a big deal, people here rent out other peoples’ homes all the time.  The agent goes on to say, “When I did talk to the owner, she said she might be willing to rent it for as little as $1,000 unfurnished.”

You can imagine my response to that, but this agent was savvy enough to somewhat imply that this was the reason he hadn’t called me back.  He never came out and actually said it, but he kind of stumbled around talking about an owner who might be difficult to work with.  Of course, he’s exactly right, and I learned early on that the only thing worse than an owner who is difficult to negotiate with is a landlord who is difficult to live with.

So, I’m not interested in pursuing that house at any price, and Gringos, read and absorb and remember these lessons from Don Marco so  when it’s your turn to go house-hunting you can smile knowingly and chuckle at it instead of standing there dumbfound.

The house is still listed if anyone is interested…

I think I have mentioned in a previous post about the insanity of some real estate transactions here.  Let me give you an example.

I found a house with a large Antigua real estate agency who has many online listings.  I have seen only one listing with this agency in the 10 months of looking, probably because when I expressed interest in the first house, the owner upon learning a NorteAmericano was interested, said the 4 bedroom house, equipped with beds for eight, could only be rented to a family of four, no more.

I continued to inquire of the agent in question about a house they had listed that was in a nice neighborhood, and appeared from the pictures to be well-furnished, and was $1200 a month.  I was interested in seeing it, but the agent would not return my phone calls or emails.  Knowing that there is no such thing as an exclusive listing here (as is common in the US), I started asking around.  My favorite agent, Alberto at Qmec, wasn’t able to make any progress.  However, a few weeks later I found among my circle of expat friends someone who lives in the same neighborhood as the house in question, and knows the owner.  It’s a small world, after all…

My friend introduces me to the caretaker of the house, who dutifully gives my number to the owner, a Guatemalan who apparently lives in the capital.  We eventually arrange to see the house and so the Wife and I visit-sin commisionista.  No doubt the owner is chuckling that he’s not going to have to pay a commission to the agent now.

It is a gorgeous home, well constructed and well furnished.  After visiting the home I contact the owner by email and ask a few important questions for any prospective expat resident:

1.  Does Telgua service this house?

2.  What other fees will I be responsible for (maintenance, security, water, etc)

3.  Does the caretaker remain with the property and will I pay him, and if so, how much?

4.  Will you consider a discount for a long-term (2 year) lease?

The result of some back and forth by the owner revealed that he would be happy to pay all the fees associated with the house, including cable and internet, and the lease price would be $3,000 per month.

Naturally, I responded that I would rather pay the $1,200 a month for the house and pay the expenses myself.  The owner didn’t budge…$3,000 was the monthly rate if I wanted to rent the house.  Let me put this in perspective for readers; the house I am in right now is in a safe, private, gated neighborhood about 2 minutes’ drive from Antigua.  The house is 3 bedrooms plus a maid’s quarter’s and a nice-sized garden, and is fully furnished.  It’s $750 a month.

All of the houses I’m looking at are larger, or have larger gardens, or both, than what I have now, and are in similar neighborhoods in or around Antigua.  I’ve seen some $1500/month houses, but have enough of a sense of the market now that it’s not necessary to pay that much to upgrade a little.  Usually you’re paying for the address (the ‘zip code’ in US lingo), and not the house itself at that price.

So back to the house in question. Why would I pay $3,000 for a $1,200 house?  Why would I pay $3,000 for a $2,500 house?  You could even ask, “Why would I pay $3,000 for a house 10 minutes from town when I can pay half that and walk to the park?”

Of course, I won’t, and I don’t think anyone will.  The house will sit vacant, just as it has since it was constructed, with a perfectly manicured garden and an owner who can brag to his friends that his house is for rent at tres mil dolares por mes.  They’ll sip Zacapa and no one will dare ask, “So how long is it actually rented for?”

This post is a continuation to my first post – Making the Move to Guatemala, Laying Down the Law, when I left it on a cliff hanger about the ‘perfect’ house find!

As they say in Hollywood, “There is no such thing as a free lunch!” This can flow over into every other aspect of life as well! Mine, is no different.

I still hold firm that I absolutely love my house! However, I’m not loving the drama that has begun to circulate around it. The house I moved into has been vacant for over one year. We were told by the agent that the price was too high, and that’s why they were so happy to have a one year contract signed. Also, when we looked at the house no where did it say that it was for sale and my agent specifically said, “they are not selling the house!”

So you can imagine my shock the day we moved in to see a big ‘FOR SALE’ sign hanging off one of the balconies. I immediately called the owner, a frazzled like woman, who said, “Don’t worry, the pictures are on the website and no one will ever enter. They will just look at it from the outside.” I figured she was telling the truth.

During the time I have lived here I met my helpful, yet very nosy and gossipy neighbor. I don’t really get into her stories and try to have minimum conversations with her. However, I will give her tons of credit, she has really really helped me since I’ve moved here.  The main gossip or stories that she was constantly telling us was about the owners of this house that it is a brother and sister, who were left with this house as an inheritance from their mom who received it from her second husband, not their father.  I don’t really care at all about that, as long as they pay for any repairs that have to be done and leave me alone. However, she is not the type to shut up, she went on to tell us that her daughter was renting this house for a while to be close to them and that there were so many problems with them that they ended up leaving. Since, I didn’t care enough I never asked about the problems.

However, now the problems have jumped at me!

One day, about 2 months after moving in, I get a very strange visitor.  First of all, let me explain the make up of my residential. It’s tiny with only 7 houses attached to each other. The only way in and out is an electric door where there is an intercom. 

When I moved in, I also asked my owner, “who has the keys?” She said, a hundred times, “no one!” Yet my neighbor told me, “be careful, half of Guautemala City and Antigua has the keys.” Since, I’ve always had great luck with landlords and I’m an honest person myself, I gave them the benefit of the doubt and never changed the locks.

On this particular day, my son and I were eating lunch when we get a super loud pounding on my door and I hear about 5 voices outside in my car area. By the way, there is also a doorbell to my actual house, so knocking is weird. I open the door and some guy is standing with 4 others saying that he’s here to show the house. No one called me and no one ever said a word.

I’m like, “Sorry, no one is coming in. I wasn’t informed!”
He said, “Didn’t Margaret (the owner) call you?”
Me: No!
He: Oh she told me she was trying you all morning.
Me: No one called and no one is entering.
He: Let me call her.
Me: I don’t care.

A little side note, the day before, Margaret called me to remind me that the rent was due. She had no trouble reaching me. So this morning she never called! He couldn’t reach her, but reached her brother who was apologizing left and right. Regardless, after I got off the phone, he was back at his holy-than-thou attitude:
He: So can we go in?
Me: NO!
He, furious and ready to rip my head off.
Me: I live here, I signed a contract. When I moved here this house wasn’t for sale. You can see it in one year.

They left angry!

Now this guy entered the residential because he has keys and if I wasn’t at home, he was holding my keys in his hands and he would have entered the house!

Half a second after they left, my nosy neighbor ran over. So now I got to hear what the problem was. This same guy, who is apparently a friend of this family, came over to sell this house when they were living here. Also, entering as he pleased. Since they didn’t have a contract, he told the owners that he has buyers and that they need to get rid of their renters, who at that time was my neighbor’s daughter. They left and the house was never sold. 

Since I have a contract, I am legally bound to this house and they have no right whatsoever to do anything to me. As a matter of fact, I can tell them not to enter the house!

The following day, Margaret, comes over to get the rent. She is all apologetic and can’t believe what happened, blah blah blah. By this point, I have changed the lock! I said, whatever, here’s the rent, let’s just leave it alone.

Two days later, she calls me again saying that she has another person to see the house. Since I don’t know my legal rights, I said I will let her know. I immediately called my agent who told me that we can literally sue her ass off if she lets anyone in. No where in the whole contract does it say that it was for sale, and I have the right to say NO!

Immediately I called her and said no one can come. She’s like, “I totally understand. I don’t even know if this guy wants to come, I’ll call you and let you know.”
I said, “No one is allowed in.”
Since my Spanish is damn good, the message was supposed to have gotten through.

Two days later, this time I get a ding dong from the gate, even though they still have the key, and it’s Margaret. I’m like, “what are you doing here?” She’s says, “I’m here with the people.” As though nothing was ever spoken. I freaked out telling her that she knows it’s totally wrong, and it’s illegal. She started to beg me saying that she was with them, and they came all this way, please this is the last time.  Being the nice guy, like always, I said this is the last time!

When they entered, I told the family of SIX, that I had no idea about them coming and I live here and this is my furniture and house for the next year. They were in and out in less than five minutes.

Then for the next 20 minutes I hear conversation outside, but didn’t give a shit so I never bothered to look to see what they were talking about and with whom.  Half a second after the voices have gone my neighbor comes over.

What do you know, she’s the one that has been talking to them for the past 20 minutes. She gave them a piece of her mind by telling Margaret how illegal it is for what she is doing, and that I can sue her.  She also told me that the guy who came barging here a few days ago was outside with them and he’s, check this one out, Margaret’s boyfriend!!!!!!!

They live together. Not only did he have the keys, they sleep in the same bed and she’s been playing stupid as though she had no idea about him!

I am absolutely not getting involved in this stupidity! She is always broke and in need of money. When it’s time for rent she is calling me left and right. Yet is a full on liar. They are about to risk losing a really good tenant, me, because of their lies.

So as you can see, there is no free lunch here! The great deal that we got, comes with a lot of crap. So, now I’ll have to see what’s next on their scamming little minds!

Bio

Marina has been living in Central America for over 7 years and her site Travel Experta is all about traveling in Central America. Marina loves to help people plan the perfect vacation to this amazing part of the world! You can sign up for her RSS feed and join the fun on her facebook fan page and follow her on Twitter at @MarinaVillatoro.

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