Archive for Way of Life
No Shy Bladders
Posted by: | CommentsOne of the stranger things seen in Guate is the frequency with which you will observe Guatemalan men urinating in public. They’ll pee on a car, a wall, on a tree, or if all else fails, on the sidewalk. The other day I saw a young boy urinating on a stack of Salvavidas bottles that were stacked, awaiting distribution along 6th Calle. Fortunately urine is sterile.
I was trying to figure out how to write this post for the benefit of all the future expats and had sidelined it along with 73 other posts in the ‘draft’ category until I saw the most amazing thing; a young Indian girl hiked up her dress, squatted and urinated on the road. It was the first time in 16 months that I had seen a female do this, while I have probably seen 3 to 4 men urinate in public daily.
I’m not a prude, and I’ve spent enough time with country boys to know that we’re you’re out in nature, or possibly at night in an urban jungle, that you can discreetly step out of view and take care of business. It’s one of the few advantages of being male. But here it is different…I’ve seen a bus driver stop his bus in the middle of the street, get out, and urinate on the front tire in front of oncoming traffic. Nobody seems to notice.
Does anyone have any ideas as to why the practice is tolerated here?
Chapins Love Babies
Posted by: | CommentsOccasionally I´m walking the streets of Antigua with one of the kids and undoubtedly a local will come over and marvel at how beautiful the baby is. When the toddler was small, he attracted particular attention with his pale white skin and bleached-blond hair.
Of course, the females are predictably interested here. Whether 12 or 80 they all want to see the baby, pat the baby, comment on how beautiful the baby is (whether true or not), and hold the baby. I went to a party one time and without exception the local women all wanted to hold the baby while, conversely, the gringas made clear they did not want anything to do with the little crumb cruncher. That makes for interesting speculation…for another post.
What really struck me was how Guatmalan males react though. In the US, a female might be fawning over a baby while the guy is looking around, wondering how long this will take, and worrying about whether a baby of his own might be in the future. Here I´ve had males of all ages come up and admire the baby, even stop on the street to watch the passing baby like they might a babe.
Along those lines here´s a story from Jimmy and Shelley who have their own new babies:
Walking through the market with two little white babies is quite the trip. Everybody is commenting about the twins and several of the more outspoken ladies yell at you to come over so they can hold the boys, talk about twins and smother them with kisses. While standing around talking to Cristina, an indigenous lady in her typical dress (we don’t see too many dressed like that here because of the heat) came up to Shelley and handed her a Q5 bill. She said, “Take this for your children.” The look on Cristina’s face mirrored what I was thinking and she said, “For WHAT?” The lady responded, “It means something to me” and walked off.
Of Land and Cars
Posted by: | CommentsGreg over at Project Somos shares a few anecdotes to life in Guate that you won´t want to miss. Here are the highlights:
It seems, through lack of communication or something that the property just became smaller. No legal description was included in the offer to purchase, only the total amount of land, so now the volunteers found out that the one boundary is somewhere between 6 and 30 feet closer from where they were originally shown it was. Oops. The conversation went relatively well and three of the Guatemalan Board, and Dennis set off to actually measure the boundary to find out if it is 6 or perhaps 30 feet in from hedge that borders the property. This type of omission of accurate information does occur here and I do hope they are able to resolve their differing positions.
Just be sure you get a title. And it´s valid. And the person selling the property really owns it. And the person who owns it hasn´t acquired the property by squatting. And that no one else has ever squatted on it, because if so, they have a right to it.
I like driving in Guatemala. There are none of the frivolous and fancy things like speed limits, or actually any highway regulations to stop one from driving like it is a video game. The only difference from a video game is that here on thehighway there is no rest button and you die. Wrecks are common and deadly. Lots of obstacles like animals, boulders in the road, landslides, many times cars in the oncoming lane passing on blind curves and suddenly they are in your lane. Wow, this is almost fun.
Then there are the chicken buses -turbo charged diesel converted school buses driven by men with an overt death wish or drivers that believe they are invincible because they have a Jesus decal on their windshield. Whichever the case, I give them lots of room and expect crazy stuff from them. Riding in a chicken bus is like a life and death Disney ride on steroids – going around curves so fast the wheels on one side might as well be off the ground. I included a few road trip pictures to entice you to call your AAA or CAA road club for maps, so you too can make the trip.
It is remarkable given the age and condition of so many vehicles and the rarity of a licensed and trained driver that there aren´t more accidents. It´s not uncommon to see a full chicken bus or a loaded down tractor trailer pass a caravan of jalopies around a curve up a hill into ongoing traffic. Nobody here even responds; there is no honking, lights blinking or road rage, they just move over and keep driving. Amazing.
Visa Extension
Posted by: | CommentsSix months ago I reported on the process for renewing your VISA if you wish to stay in the country for more than 90 days. Since then I’ve learned about several expats who have gone native, which in this case means they just forget about the renewal altogether and go for years without addressing the issue. Assuming you don’t want to sneak across the Mexican border one day, you need this updated information.
I arrived at Migracion in the capital early so I could do the VISA process in one day. You see, if you complete all the paperwork by 10am, they will renew your passport and give it back at 3pm. (Yes, this is the same process that takes 5 minutes at the border). So I’m at migracion at 9am with my passports, those of the Wife and children, and even a few friends. I had completed the forms beforehand, made the copies of the passports, copies of the last page of entry stamps, copies of the credit card and brought passport sized photos of everyone involved. I had made sure this time to arrive before the 90 days expired, thus avoiding the 10Q per day per person fine for overstaying your VISA.
The same helpful senorita smiled and began explaining the items I would need. When she got to the end of the list she said, “When you were here last time did you have to bring your marriage license?” “No”, I replied. She then explained that El Presidente had fired her boss, and the new guy was enforcing all sorts of rules that had been on the books but not enforced for a long time. Thus, in addition to my marriage license, I needed to bring a copy of each kid’s birth certificate.
“And”, she continued, “right now we can’t process your renewal in anything less than 3 days, because of the new boss”.
Remembering the technique she used last time, I asked if I could go ahead and submit things now and bring the remaining papers back in three days when I came to pickup my stuff. She stood her ground and unfortunately said that was now impossible with the new jefe. At that moment I overheard a desperate gringo in the window next to me exclaiming “But I called you yesterday before I left Peten and you didn’t say anything about a birth certificate or marriage license.”
I glanced back at la senorita and raised an eyebrow. She grabbed the pile of passports and said she was going to go talk to the boss. Gringo from Peten didn’t get any help, his hombre just shrugged and motioned for the next guy. A few minutes later my girl returned and apologized curtly, and pushed the passports and all the paperwork back under the window.
I thought very seriously about explaining to her that Guatemala really should pay me to live here, promote expatism and employ people, but thought better of it. I stepped back from the window and tried to buy some time to think of creative solutions when I heard a Chapin explaining a nightmare story that helps to put mine in perspective. Apparently this guy married a Filipino woman while they were both in the US. Now he’s here trying to get her residency, but there is no Filipino embassy in Guatemala, so they sent him to El Salvador, but there is no embassy there either. So they were telling this guy to fly to Japan to get her paperwork completed! In the meantime, her VISA has expired and apparently it’s not easy for Asians to cross borders in Central America, so she’s really in a bind.
Proof that government bureaucracies function the same regardless of other cultural differences.
So as of today, here’s what you need to renew:
1. Passport with a entrance stamp
2. Complete the form.
3. Two copies of the front/photo page of your passport.
4. One copy of the most recent stamp of entry.
5. Copy of front and back of a foreign credit card (they check the expiration date, btw).
6. If you are married, a copy of your marriage license.
7. If you have a child you are renewing, a copy of their birth certificate.
8. Passport sized photos of anyone renewing.
I strongly urge you to call before you go though, and to call twice in an attempt to get two different people so you can double your chances of getting accurate information. Regardless, take at minimum everything listed above, plus lots of small bills for the fotocopia guy upstairs.
Death in Guate
Posted by: | CommentsThis friend of mine, we’ll call him ‘Thomas”, is married to a well-to-do Guatemalan woman. One night about 7pm they get a phone call saying that her eldest brother had died that afternoon. It was a shock to them all since, although he was in his 60s, he was in good health and was not suffering from any injury or disease.
At 3am the following morning, Thomas gets a call saying that the brother’s body had already arrived from Zacapa, and was ready for viewing. Most of the rest of the family had already come from around the country and was at the funeral home being served scrambled eggs. Thomas, like you or I, was surprised at the extreme speed with which things were happening.
When they got to the funeral home, he talked to the caretaker, who indicated that not only had the body been transported from Zacapa since his death only 8 hours earlier, but he had already been embalmed and the funeral was scheduled for 2pm! Thomas pondered this and wandered back to his wife’s side and joined a conversation with the surviving siblings in which they were discussing whether or not to tell their mother that her oldest son had died. (Not surprisingly, she doesn’t take news of dead children well).
They had decided to merely tell the mother that the (deceased) son was sick, and then slowly let out that he was more serious, until eventually they would let her know that he had in fact died, when Thomas interjected and said that it would never work and they had to tell her now.
They told the mother in time for the funeral Mass, at which the lifelong atheist was declared to already be in heaven with God. I was surprised to hear that, given that non-Catholics or those who have left the Church aren’t supposed to be buried in a funeral Mass, let alone canonized on the spot. (Note for Christians: don’t think it’s just the Catholic Church that is different here, the evangelicals don’t resemble so-called ‘evangelicals’ in the US).
Anyway, the dead man was accompanied to the cemetery that afternoon with the usual funeral band and a procession. If you’ve not seen one of these before, the closest comparison I can give you is the funeral procession at the beginning of Godfather 2. People carry the casket at shoulder level, a band plays funereal marching music and a procession follows. I have the suspicion that there are professional funeral walkers, but no one has ever admitted that to me. Either that or everyone knows everyone and that explains the frequent appearance of the same people in these processions.
I later learned that the man’s wife and children did not attend the funeral, and that is apparently by custom. How strange that the people who chose to leave his family for and spend the rest of his life with are not supposed to be at the funeral. When Thomas asked what the cause of death was, the family said, “It must have been a heart attack”. But with no autopsy, you can’t be sure.
In general I was shocked by how fast things were done and the hurry that everyone seemed to be in. In the US we often take 3-5 days to bury someone, so that all the friends and family can gather and here this man was in the ground less than 18 hours after his death.
MIA: Gasoline, Mace and Two Cell Phones
Posted by: | CommentsIt sounds like the ingredients to a al Qaeda plot or perhaps a MacGyver episode, but in fact it’s just the first blog post by Sweaty in Peten since returning from the US following the birth of their twins.
Before leaving for 5 months, the most important thing for us was to find somebody to watch our house (really just our dogs but house sounds better.) We have two big ferocious guard dogs for whom we would trade everything they are supposed to be guarding to keep them safe.
If you read this post you can get the background on how much we were paying him. While we were gone he was kicked out of his village for his association with us (we were also kicked out, but that’s another post) and so lived at our house full time. Instead of buying a motorcycle, we talked about him buying a plot of land and putting up a “house” since he has no place else to go.Living in our bodega (concrete storage room off the house) full time, we didn’t really know what we would come back to. Happily, the dogs were both alive and healthy, which was the main thing. However, he had siphoned all the gas out of both vehicles (I’m not sure what he did with it though), given my nice soccer ball to the dog to chew up (probably not intentionally as much as left it outside without putting it away), and I am missing a nice flashlight and some MACE I had left for him. I also lost both cell phones ($12 ea.) that I had left for him.
WWDMD #3
Posted by: | CommentsFrom the Logans:
So, yesterday morning I found Don Jose. I didn’t recognize his crumpled body slumped in the street. His trademark sombrero was missing from his head. He looked drawn in and his hands were cold to the touch. He had bodily fluids on his shirt and pants. He wouldn’t move.What should I do? I prayed again to God, out loud, surrounded by a group of other drunk Mayans…who I’m sure, were wondering what a Gringo was doing hanging around the bars downtown and showing interest in this sleeping old man. This didn’t feel safe, but I knew I should do something. But Don Jose would not awaken and I looked as confused as I felt.As I turned to walk away God gentled whispered… “What if he were you’re Dad?” “But God, he is not my Dad?” NoDon Jose? Lifted from The Journey
answer. I guess that wasn’t the question. Again… “What if he were your Dad?”
So I picked up his crumpled body and threw him over my shoulder at the protestations of the crowd of drunks. Iwaived down a Tuk-Tuk and brought him to our home. Carried him into our house. I put him in our guest room bed. Heather looked at me as if to say, “Honey, I love you…but now what?” I answered without her asking, “I don’t know what to do next, but I’m acting as if he were my Dad.”5 hours later, after cleaning him up, and keeping him calm, feeding him some eggs and forcing water down him…Itook him to his own home. This time he could walk with his arm around my shoulders. He looked better and alive. And my home only needed to be cleaned from all the fluids that kept spurting from him. My kids acted with love. My wife was a wonderful care-mate with me.As I was walking him home we passed many, many people. The sight of a big gringo walking a little, old, drunkMayan man home drew a mixture of humorous smiles and looks of shock. This job… if done at all, would be done by a family member. A wife, or daughter. But when I brought him to his home, I was greeted by his wife, his sister…daughters, and children with hugs and kisses. So, at least for them…it felt like the right thing to do.Will he be at work today? Will he now stop drinking because he knows his life isn’t hidden from me? I don’t know. But we are praying and he knows that I know now. He knows that I care.
I haven’t been able to deduce from the blog who Don Jose is, so perhaps he is a long-time friend of the family. I have to say this is one case where I would likely take a ‘pass’ on helping the drunk, presumably vomiting man from the street to my home. For one, we already have people in this house who can’t control their bodily functions, two, I don’t know what some drunk is likely to do in my home and/or to my family. The old nuns used to teach (before they gave up their habits and faith for feminism), that the first rule of charity was ‘Do no harm’. I don’t need the Wife or daughter in danger so I can help a guy who’s drinking himself into acoma.
I would be inclined to help a starving child or person in need of emergency medical care, even in my home if that was appropriate. If I were a single guy roaming the country doing good deeds, that would be different. In fact, on some days that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. But I think I would draw the line here. Am I just a scaredy cat? WWYD?
P.S. What is it with indigenous people and their drinking? Around the world this seems to be a predictable theme.
Guns in Guate
Posted by: | CommentsEvery now and then I hear from someone or meet someone in town who expresses dismay/fear over the prevalence of guns here in Guate. It’s true, they are everywhere, from the water truck, to the coke truck, outside many storefronts, all the banks, and on the hip of the random local.
I grew up in a gun-friendly culture in Phoenix where it wasn’t uncommon to see people wandering the malls with guns on their hips (what is called ‘open carry’), and always felt better knowing that a criminal was less likely to do me harm if lots of other guys were likely to fill him with holes at the first sign of trouble.
One British friend of mine said, “But that’s the whole problem with your gun laws; you have so much crime precisely because everyone has a gun.” I ignored the logical fallacy and raised the question of why banning guns would stop criminals (who by definition ignore/violate the law), from using guns, there was a long silence and then this Brit says, “Well, maybe you should try it”. I explained how it had been tried in Washington, D.C., and the result-not surprisingly-was that DC had one of the highest crime rates in the country.
I understand the presence of the guns here may be a reflection of the incidence of crime in the country. Would anyone really feel better though if you could take all the guns away from all the aforementioned people and hope that the bad guys would similarly give up their guns?
A liberal expat-to-be recently observed that it wasn’t legal for me to own a gun in this country. I pointed out that if true, it wasn’t the first immoral act of a government and that the natural rights of men include the right to self-preservation. (For you Obama disciples, natural rights cannot be legitimately infringed upon by governments). Since I was talking about human life and not owls or seals, the whole concept of the right to life didn’t mean much to her and the conversation deteriorated further when she inquired whether I was one of those ‘global warming deniers’. Hehe. Don’t worry, I went easy on her and told her I’d never heard of it before but would love to talk about it…next time.
I once heard this story about an expat, who we’ll call Matt, who struck up a conversation with some cops. It turns out the cops have to buy their own ammunition, and naturally don’t get much practice because ammunition is expensive. Matt volunteered to buy some ammo if the cops would allow he and his sons to get some time in at the range as well.
When Matt showed up at the shooting range/finca, he found not the two cops he was expecting, but six guys, each of whom had brought his gun and was more than happy to let the gringo and kids practice.
A few thoughts:
An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
Colt Peacemaker: The original point and click interface.
Gun control is not about guns; it’s about control.
If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
If you don’t know your rights, you don’t have any.
Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
The United States Constitution © 1791. All Rights Reserved.
What part of “shall not be infringed” do you not understand.
The Second Amendment is in place in case they ignore the others.
64,999,987 firearm owners killed no one yesterday.
Guns only have two enemies: Rust and Politicians.
Know guns, Know peace and safety. No guns, no peace nor safety.
You don’t shoot to kill; You shoot to stay alive.
911 – government sponsored Dial a Prayer.
Assault is a behavior, not a device.
Criminals love gun control – it makes their jobs safer.
If Guns cause Crime, then Matches cause Arson.
Only a government that is afraid of it’s citizens tries to control them.
You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.
When you remove the people’s right to bear arms, you create slaves.
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