A friend of mine who used to work officially for Uncle Sam and who now doesn’t work officially for Uncle Sam contacted me recently and wanted to review some security procedures with me, in light of the threats I’m getting and the enemies I’ve made around town by speaking rather freely about how the Antigua LaCosaNostra works.  I was reminded of this by a post from Trudy with rare candor about security here:

One of the bad things of living here is that, although one is less at risk, there is always the fear of being kidnapped or robbed. Hence, one is careful not to display anything that can be construed as wealth, not to use the same ATM all the time, not to take the same route every day, etc. These are simple common-sense behaviors, but many forget to keep to them. I haven’t been robbed, but still. Doesn’t hurt to be cautious.

There are several levels of security that expats/gringos/conquistadors need to employ here.  The most basic is what Trudy has described, which I would characterize as ‘passive personal security’.  I would add to that the following:

• Don’t wear shorts; it marks you as clueless and not only will the prices be higher for everything but you’ve put a target on your back.
• Don’t wear flip flops (see above), plus you’re more likely to hurt your feet in this town.
• Don’t stand at the street corner holding a huge, unfolded map in front of you wondering aloud in English “Where can I change all my dollars to local currency”.
• Don’t yell down the street to your gringo friend in English/German.
• Don’t ask a random passerby on the street, “Donde esta el banco?” because you’ve just advertised that you either have or will have money.  Ask a gringo or, better yet, ask someone where the park is, which will take you to where the banks are.

The next level I would refer to as ‘basic personal security’.  This would involve:

• Looking out a door or window before opening the door to your home or business.  The easiest assault will happen when you open your door and they rush in and rape you, kill you for your organs, eat your food and then steal your valuables.
• Don’t ever let someone in your home unless you know them already and know there is no one else with them.
• When sitting in a restaurant or public place, sit with your back to the wall and facing the primary entrance.  Tell the staff you love to look out the window at all the beautiful local people.
• Check out the layout of the restaurant you’re visiting, preferably for another exit but if nothing else, a kitchen, pantry or bathroom you could secure yourself in until the assailant gets frustrated and leaves.  Also gives you a moment to work things out with your maker if you’re meeting him sooner than expected.
• Randomly crossing the street rather than remaining on the same side of the street for the entire block.  If someone is trailing you to pickpocket you or scalp you, this will make it more difficult and more obvious.
• Stopping occasionally to look in a window or to tie your shoe so you glance behind you.  Most would-be attackers here aren’t very sophisticated and they’ll likely appear surprised and stop in their tracks.
• Pausing before reaching into a pocket or your purse to look around to see who is watching you.
• Conspicuously look people in the eye; this makes most people uncomfortable and if someone was considering you as a target, they may be just unnerved enough to ‘pass’.
• Not opening car doors while people are walking by-you’re sitting and immobile, they’re standing and mobile, i.e., you’re going to lose.
• Not unlocking car doors until you’ve surveyed your surroundings; if someone loiters, move on.  If you’re in love with the parking place, pull out your cell phone and start talking to yourself and pointing at the lurker.  He’ll get nervous and move on.
• Not stopping when you are approached by people begging or wanting to sell things; keep walking and if they’re serious they’ll follow, if they’re malicious you’ve just made it more difficult.
• If accompanied by children or the elderly, positioning the strongest and most aware people at the front of and back of the group.

Some of you will scoff at these things but if you’ve ever had a wallet or purse stolen, your passport stolen (and then offered for sale to you for $2,500), or a loved one kidnapped, you won’t be laughing.  My own attitude is that the odds are rather small of attack, but like being struck by lightening, it is a catastrophic event if it does occur.  I prefer to improve the odds in my favor and it’s easy to do that.

You can easily improve your personal safety dramatically by getting a German shepherd and taking him with you whenever you leave the confines of your gated community.  Make sure you don’t feed him before you leave the house, so he’ll be extra hungry, and that you have a quick-release collar so if you need him, you can free him up with a click of your thumb.  Bad guys fear a hungry dog more than they do your Glock 23 with 13 rounds (not that a gringo would ever carry such a thing).

Of course there’s a whole other level of personal security that requires a little more discipline but not much additional effort, but you only need to employ those tactics when you’ve been reminded that you can have someone whacked here for 200Q plus the costs of some boombas (to cover up the noise).  Think about that the next time you hit the ATM for 2,000Q.

P.S.  If I don’t post on GuateLiving for three consecutive days, someone stop by RumBar and let them know, please…JP will know what to do.